Saturday, January 26, 2013

Decisions

What do you do when you don't know what to do? I mean, really don't know what to do. Someone told me that there are always 4 choices: Accept it, Leave it, Change it, Stay miserable. And I think that's absolutely true. But knowing which to do and how to do it is the hard part.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Fill Their Room

So we all get the invitations that we don't want. Not that we don't want them. Just that sometimes we don't feel like it. We don't feel like the shower, or awards night, or funeral, or wedding, or birthday party, or house warming or the Christmas party, or ... I know. It sounds insensitive. But how many times are you invited to something and then the night it rolls around, you just want to sit at home and do the laundry you haven't done in forever? Or sit and have a drink? Or sit and watch the game? Or sit? It happens to all of us. But what I try to tell myself in each of those circumstances is, "Fill their room".

It's not about you or me. It's about the person who sent the invitation. They want you there. Whatever it is is important to them. And nothing feels worse than an empty room. We've all imagined our funerals, or maybe we haven't. Maybe I'm just weird. But an empty room is not what any of us hope for, I think. Sometimes our role is no more than filling the space. Let the person you care about look out at their event and see their space filled with people that cared enough to show up. Even when you don't feel like it, fill their room.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Jerry Maguired

So, I just wrote my manifesto. You know, a philosophical statement like Jerry Maguire's. I've worked at the same site for 5 years after a total of 11 years in the business of education. I've tried to be patient and reflective and open to the ways that they do things at my school. But I'm frustrated. I've been frustrated. Things aren't working nearly as well as they could be and the administration refuses to look at it, accept it, allow staff to talk about it, be open to it, acknowledge it, etc. The solution for everything is "teach harder". It's never, "hey, maybe kids need a slower pace, maybe kids need more time to think, maybe kids need more time to get up and move", etc. I complain, I talk to coworkers... they all agree but no one says anything. I've been told to hold back and be careful and be more political. Why? I'm not running for office. I'm not concerned with winning the next election. Sadly, I'm not even concerned with losing my job. I'm a tenured teacher and that means no administrator will do the hard work of firing me unless it's really worth it. There's bad teachers all over the place, and unless they break laws, administrators don't want to go through the process of getting rid of them. Half the time, they move them out of teaching and into higher paying administration positions. So, what could happen? My boss already hates me. Everyone at our site agrees.

So, I did it. I came out of a staff meeting in which it took my boss 33 minutes to say 2 minutes (that's being generous) of new information to disseminate. I found out that I had 120 kids per day (mind you, that's with only 3 90-minute blocks per day, so I'm averaging 40 kids per class with no aides), while my coworker teaching the exact same subject has 99 kids per day. He also has the academically highest achieving kids while I have the lowest. And while there is nothing wrong with teaching lower kids than higher, anyone in teaching will acknowledge it takes far more time and effort and patience. So I did it. I sat down and wrote the two pages of frustrations and problems that I see and the ways that I know we can change to make our school better for kids. And I was holding back. It could have been 10 pages, or truly, 100. Everyone told me not to give it to the boss. But I didn't care. What's wrong with saying how you feel? I haven't refused any directives. I do my job every day, and to be honest, do it very well. I have glowing evaluations and only positive feedback from students and parents alike.

So I went to her. Her door was open and she has an "open door policy". She's said she "doesn't want yes men" and she wants "people who will speak directly an honestly" though all actions speak to the contrary. I sit down and tell her that I'm frustrated. I've been there 5 years and I know I've had adequate time to form a balanced opinion. I've also been at 3 previous sites in my earlier 6 years and they all had different schedules, so I've had a good comparison. I hand her my letter and basically tell her that I think we had a great opportunity to be responsive to the changing demographics of our student population and poll our highly skilled staff members to look at ways to change our programs to meet the needs of the new students walking through our doors every day. I told her that I was frustrated that I had 120 students daily, while an identical colleague had 99. She looked at me like I was from the moon. She refused to acknowledge that there was anything wrong with our school. When I said we were trying to do too many things which was keeping us from doing any of them well (teaming, looping, blocking, strats science, stranded math, etc.), she told me that these things were the "DNA of our schoo"l. She said these things were "cutting edge" in middle schools when she started the school (12 years ago). She suggested that I get a "change of perspective" and had I "considered teaching at the high school level".

So that's it. I've been Jerry Maguired. Now, luckily for me, it's public education. Absolutely nothing can happen to me. I can't be fired at will. She's got to deal with me for quite a while. I don't work on commission, though maybe teachers should, and she can't steal my customers. But at least I said what I feel. At least I can say I didn't just sit around and complain. I went to the powers that be. She can't say she didn't know people were unhappy. She can't say she thought everyone was on board. In the end, I know I was there for kids. She knows she was there for her herself. I also know I said what I meant and meant what I said, and from this point forward, there's no more holding back.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Enough with the Lights!

Have you ever noticed how many things in your house have lights? Try sleeping on the couch one night. I slept on the couch the other night to have a sleepover with my daughter. When the lights turned off, it was like being in a laser tag waiting room. I counted more than 15 lights between the living room and the kitchen. And many of these things were turned off! The tv was off, but the glowing VISIO sign was there to remind me, I guess, in the middle of the night of the brand of tv I bought. The computer on button glows, the receiver, the dvd player button, the xbox, and that was just in to living room. There was a bright blue light coming from the kitchen and I walked out to see if it was something that was essential for life. It was the label maker! Now I can see needing to find the tv button, possibly in the dark, but the label maker??? And when I pushed the glowing button to hopefully turn it off, labels just started ejecting. I had to lay a towel over it. Also in the kitchen, the computer, computer monitor, keyboard, power supply, speakers, dishwasher and fridge buttons all glow. I don't know if this bothers anyone else, but really, it would be nice to turn off the lights in the house and have it actually be dark. In the bedroom last night, I counted have bright visible lights when you turn off the room lights: the smoke alarm, computer monitor, vcr player (yes, we still have one), dvd player, wii, cell phone, cell phone power supply, alarm clock (well that's ok), and I think that's it. And these things just don't emit a small soft light. It's the new bright laser-like LED light. I know it's a minor first world problem (as my friend likes to point out continuously), but still, it's annoying. I would be impressed and more likely to buy a product if one of it's selling points was "No Annoying Unnecessary Lights".

Friday, January 4, 2013

Boosters and Bras

My daughter turned 8 about a month ago. When she did, we celebrated and ceremoniously got rid of her booster seat out of the minivan (as in California, the law required her to be in it until she was at least 8). Shortly after that, she received a training bra in a bag of hand me down clothes from a neighbor. I thought she would be embarrassed about it, but to my surprise, she fell in love with it and started wearing it every day. Since no one should have to wear any garment every day, I went out yesterday and bought her two more. I stood there in the store laughing, knowing that somehow this was one of those moments that mark the passage of time and the rapid move from baby to grown up and a moment that moved me that much closer to losing my little girl. But somehow, standing there in the store, I was ok with it. I was almost excited and started looking at all the different colors and styles she could have. I calmed down and just got two white ones so that she could come back and pick more exciting ones if she wanted to. But when I walked out of the store and out to the car in the parking lot and opened her door and threw the bras into the seat where the booster had just been, it hit me. From boosters to bras... just... like... that.