Alchohol Action Plan

I have health insurance through my employer. The insurance company will offer a 5% rebate if you go through certain steps to demonstrate you've met their wellness criteria. You have to see your physician for a basic physical, go to the lab and get glucose and cholesterol screenings, and complete a Total Health Assessment. So I did the Total Health Assessment online today. I was completely honest and it asked about diet, nutrition, weight management, alcohol consumption, exercise levels, stress, medical history, etc. 

 At the end of the assessment, a health plan is magically produced that is suppose to give advice and guidance catered to you personally. And, oddly enough, it was pretty spot on about me. What caught my attention was the alcohol plan for me (below). I made some comments about my favorite parts.

Alcohol

People drink for many reasons: to relax, have fun, cope with stress, or forget their troubles. (I was having a hard time justifying my desire to drink wine every night. And the first line in this gave me four great reasons that happen to be very true! Awesome.) But drinking also has disadvantages (bummer) that you should be on the lookout for (ok).

 

Alcohol's Effects on You

Everyone processes alcohol differently. But no matter who you are, alcohol can start to affect you after only a few drinks.

 
Possible effects of alcohol based on your weight:

Drink 4:Perception, memory, comprehension, and vision impaired (They're not lying. Memory loss... check, comprehension... huh?, vision impairment...easily fixed by keeping one eye closed.)

Drink 3:Legally intoxicated — senses and motor-control impaired (For me the speech goes first and it's pretty noticeable because I'm always talking.) 

Drink 2:Beginning of motor-impairment (inability to control your movements) (I'm pretty darn coordinated so I have great coping skills here.)

Drink 1:Reduced attention span and lack of judgment (I already have the attention span of a flea and fairly poor judgment, so this really isn't noticeable.)

 

Recommended for you: based on your gender and age, no more than 1 drink per day (What's the point?)

Time for a change?  (probably)
You seem to be thinking about cutting back on your current drinking. (Aren't we all always thinking about cutting back? At least in the morning anyway.) Maybe you aren't confident in your ability to cut down or stop drinking, but having the motivation to do so is a step in the right direction. (Yay, me!) Let’s learn more about your drinking and then think of effective ways to deal with potential drinking situations.


Your alcohol use
You tend to drink every day. (Well you don't have to say it like that.) And when you do, you usually have 2 drinks. (Sometimes three but they asked for "average". )  Binge drinking is having four or more drinks in about 2 hours or less. (I know what you're thinking, but they said "in 2 hours or less" and I think I can honestly say no to that one.) It puts you at a higher risk for serious injury. You indicated that you never drink that much on any given occasion.(in "2 hours or less") Continuing not to binge drink is a good idea, (Fair enough.) for your health and your safety. (Though I haven't fallen off the couch yet.)


What’s safe?
Although you only have 2 drinks when you do consume alcohol, national guidelines for healthy drinking recommend that women who aren't pregnant have no more than one drink a day. (National guidelines also gave us No Child Left Behind.)


A closer look
We all want good health. Like anything worth having, it takes effort to get it. Thankfully, you don’t have any major health conditions now. But you should know that excessive alcohol consumption could increase your risk of developing heart disease, high blood pressure, and certain types of stroke. (Serious buzz kill) Do you know if alcohol interferes with any medications you might be taking? (Yes I do, thank you very much.)


Creating a game plan
While considering a change in your alcohol use, take these three steps. (Good. An action plan.)


Step 1: Identify roadblocks and temptations. There are many situations and emotions (and children) that lead people to drink more than they should. Let’s take a closer look at what may influence you.

Alcohol may seem like a tempting way to cope with feelings of depression to some people.(Luckily not to me.) But you're confident that when you feel down, you'll resist drinking. (Had the opportunity to test that, unfortunately.) It's good to understand that drinking will not help and could make those feelings worse. (I believe that 100%, no problem.)


You might find it hard to avoid drinking when socializing. (I thought the definition of socializing was talking with drinks in your hand.) Just remember that drinking can make us feel more outgoing, (Ya think?) but it can also lead us to say or do things we might regret later. (Ah, the morning after cringe that comes with, "did I really....?")



Step 2: Experiment with change. Change doesn't happen overnight. It takes time. For the next 2 weeks, experiment with change. (So bossy.) Keep track of how many alcoholic drinks you have each day. (Zero two days ago, 3 last night, none tonight. That's an average of one per night!) Use the motto: "Think before I drink." (As long as it's not "Think while I drink.") Offer to be the designated driver during a night out with friends. (Ok. I will. I'll do that tomorrow night for our ladies night. So there.) See if you can have fun without alcohol, (I know I can, but it's not nearly as relaxing.) and notice how you feel the next day.



Step 3: Enlist social support. Think of someone who's concerned about you and your health. Ask yourself: What can this person do to help me change my drinking? Tell your support person what you come up with, and ask them to help. (That's not a bad idea.)


You can do it
You're giving serious thought to making some changes in your alcohol use. Use these three steps to help you make an informed and responsible decision. Make the commitment for yourself. Invest in your future. (Well, when you say it like that...)

What the Hell is Wrong with People?

Seriously. What's wrong with people? I'm trying to figure out if this is the way people have always been and I'm just in a stage of life where it's more noticeable or if people are generally becoming more narcissistic.

Two cases in point:

1. I was in La Jolla, California this summer. We went to La Jolla cove to spend a few hours at the beach. The beach in Southern California is always crowded, but this was exceptionally crowded. I dropped off my car load of people to go enjoy the beach and then stayed in the car to circle the parking lot looking for a spot. Oh, I have a lot to say about parking etiquette, but that can be a later post. So anyway, I circled for at least 30 minutes and finally got a lined up with a possible space. So I stop in the lane and put on my blinker and wait. I can see two cars side by side both loading. No one can pass me because there is a motor home sticking out so far that people can't get passed. So I sit and wait. The line behind me backs up enough that I can count 10 cars and see that it goes around the corner at the beginning of the line. The two groups loading their cars stop to talk to each other. They end up talking for 14 minutes. Seriously. Eventually, a car beyond them packs up and starts to back up. I decide to take that spot and start driving. I pass these people and roll down my window and ask if they're leaving, they're like "yeah, man, you got this spot, how lucky are you?" I tell them it's a little late now and there's another site opening up and they're like "Oh, you're giving up a good spot." I got out of my car and had time to take a picture of them still talking to each other, with the whole line of traffic still waiting for a spot. I don't get it. They could see the line of traffic as easily as I could. I don't expect people to hurry getting in their car when they see someone waiting for their spot (though I do), but come on. 14 minutes to have a conversation with a stranger! The selfishness and rudeness and narcissism and obliviousness truly continue to astound me.
2. This weekend, we camped in Yosemite National Park for my birthday. It was a truly great weekend. However, there was this campsite that was entertaining and shocking, to say the least. So on Saturday, we were sitting around having lunch. A humongous 5th wheel trailer pulls up to park in the spot across the road from us. There were already 3 vehicles and two tents there. This thing had to be 35-40 feet long. No joke. So we thought this would be entertaining. It was. They pull up and after about an hour, manage to get this thing parked diagonally across the site, then push out the 5 pop out sections (that have to fit between the trees) and roll out the carpet. Oh yeah, the jet ski trailer is parked in front of the 5th wheel (there are no jet skis allowed anywhere in Yosemite). So finally we see the people come out of the 5th wheel. It's a young couple with one young child (Brody, of course). They were fine most of the night, other than having a member of their group put up a tent literally touching a tent of the stranger in the site next to them. We had to eventually ask them to turn off their front porch flood light (that was aimed at us and not them on the other side of the trailer where they were sitting by their fire), but they were very nice about it. The only other thing we saw was the mom sweeping the outdoor carpet every time someone walked across it. Oh, later they had to work on the popcorn machine in the outdoor kitchen because apparently it was acting up. So in the quiet hours after 10:00 pm, the noise settles down and we go to sleep. We awake at 7:15 to what sounds like chainsaws. I'm serious. It took me a minute to jump out of my cot and figure out what it was. It wasn't chainsaws, it was their two generators. I'm not exaggerating though when I say it sounded like chainsaws. I fly out of the tent to stare at them. People all over start to stumble out of their tents to figure out what's going on. Literally everyone in the surrounding 20 sites is now standing and staring at this spectacle. It's so loud, I can't talk to my husband standing next to me. We have to shout. They can hear this, they know how loud it is, that's why they have it chained to a tree facing away from them and towards everyone else. They can see everyone that they've disturbed, and yet, they don't stop. I'm thinking they better have someone in that trailer that is on life support and that will die if they don't keep the power going. Nope. After 90 minutes of this, they turn it off and we hear them talking and saying that the wife needed hot water for her shower and her coffee. No joke.

So, is it me? Has it always been this way? Am I just being over sensitive? When did people (I know it's not everyone, most people are good and considerate) stop giving a shit about everyone else around them, or at the very least, become oblivious to the fact that people are around them? I mean, people will stand in line at a checkout and talk to the person on their phone, instead of the checker. People will cut across 4 lanes of traffic and stop across those lanes blocking traffic, just so they can get in the turn lane instead of making a u-turn. I want some scientist to do an actual study on this. Are we more narcissistic now than we've been in the past? Is it too much reality TV? Too much Facebook? Too much Miley Cyrus? It's too much something, that's for sure.

Rubicon Brewing Company IPA

Here's my second review. I'm no more experienced as this review comes on the night of my first ever review.

I chose Rubicon (http://www.rubiconbrewing.com/) as it is a very successful local brewery. I would like to work for Rubicon before starting brewing school, and hopefully during brewing school. In comparison to Ballast Point's IPA, Rubicon's IPA had a very similar color. The color was honey and it was very clear. However, it had a less hoppy flavor to me and a more mellow finish. My husband didn't enjoy it as much and felt there was a funny aftertaste, but I enjoyed it more than Ballast Points' IPA.

Ballast Point IPA

Ok. So this is my first very informal beer review. If I'm to start Master Brewing School in January at UC Davis, I better start familiarizing myself with different beer. Yesterday, at Nugget in Elk Grove, when I had a cart full of different beer bottles that I was planning to sample, the guy behind me suggested the beer that he had in his cart (Hoptologist Double India Pale Ale from Knee Deep Brewing Company at http://kneedeepbrewing.com/) was a good one and I should try it. He admired all of mine and we talked. Long story short, I told him my intentions, to sample all this different beer as preparation for Brewing school. Then the guy behind him chimed in how bad he felt for me that I had to drink beer to prepare myself for my career. I KNOW! Rough life. Made me believe even more that life is short and we should do what we want.

SO, anywho! Here it is. Just sampled Ballast Point Brewing Company IPA (http://www.ballastpoint.com/). To be fair, I'm not a hoppy girl. I actually think most people are not hoppy. I think that people that say they love IPA's just like it because it's hoppy enough and distinctive enough that they can tell they're not drinking Coors Light or MGD. However, I drank it. And, yes, it's hoppy. But the color was beautiful, like liquid honey. It had an extremely crisp, clear, and hoppy flavor. I liked it enough that I finished it. There you have it.

Gettin' it goin'

Ok. This isn't for you. It's for me. It's been a while since I posted anything and I decided I just have to type something to get the ball rolling again. But to be fair to myself, there's been a lot going on. I think since I last posted, I went to Monterey for 5 days with my family, my kids finished this year in school, I drove to Washington and back with my family for 8 days, got home for two, then drove to San Diego and back for an emotionally draining but wonderful family trip including a big family wedding. I've been home for 5 days now and am just starting to catch up. Tomorrow (Saturday) and Sunday is Swim Champs. This means 12 hours in the sun waiting by the pool with 2000 other people for our kids to swim like 4 times for 30 seconds or less each. Don't get me wrong, we love it, but I'll be happy when this weekend is over. OH, and, we found three eggs in the yard today. Lucy (my chicken) laid her first eggs and is hiding them in a "nest" she made in our bushes. After searching the park and the neighbor's yards for her today when we couldn't find her, she finally popped out of the bushes. We checked the spot and there were three eggs! It's like we should have her Quincineara party or bar mitzvah or something! Anyway, I'll get back on it soon. Just had to get the ball rolling and start with something. :)

Recycle. Compost. Landfill. Oh, My!

So have you seen these new trash... err... excuse me, Landfill cans? Well, I guess they're not really new. If you live in the San Francisco area, you've probably seen them for years now. But I'm guessing in most parts of the world or in at least most parts of America, these have not been seen. So you walk up to the, shall we call it, waste sorting station, to get rid of your trash, or waste. And you are faced with not one, not two, but sometimes 3 choices. Great, more decisions. As if the number of choices at the Supermarket is not already overwhelming enough.

So, at Starbucks this morning, there was a can that said "Recycle" on one side and "Landfill" on the other. Oh, crap. I don't want to have to send things to the landfill. I mean, I know I do and have for most of my life, but when standing there faced with the decision of whether or not to give this piece of material a new chance at life in a new shape or form or to stand on the edge of the cut Earth and heave my Starbucks Artisan Sandwich bag in, I was a bit stressed. I really wanted to throw it into the recycle side just to believe I was not destroying the Earth. Luckily, they provide a list of what can go into each side. What's interesting is that almost no container that Starbucks sells can actually go into the recycle side of the can. Well, at least they've probably helped the problem with the amount of waste that occurs at recycling centers due to people throwing the wrong stuff into the recycle bin, but it really appears that Starbucks needs the 3 choice model.

Yes, the Recycle, Compost, or Landfill model. I've seen this one at a Central Valley California Costco and at the California Academy of Sciences in San Francisco. So, you walk up to this can and are faced with 3 choices. You stand there for a while and read and look at the pictures and hope that you will be able to throw your waste into either the compost (turns out we can compost a whole lot more than we think we can) or the recycle hole. Please, don't let it be the landfill hole. Somebody might see me. There truly is a feeling of judgment while standing there. It's a very effective guilt strategy. I mean, whoever invented this thing had to be Catholic.

California Academy of Sciences in San Francisco

Starbucks

Positive Energy Kids Triathlon

My kids (8 year old girl and 10 year old boy) participated in their first triathlon yesterday. Neither their father or myself has ever done anything like this so we were SO proud of them. It was called the Positive Energy Kids Triathlon (PEKT) and took place in Davis, CA. It was truly amazing. If you ever get the chance to participate with your family, do it. It was SO organized. The kids had bibs with their numbers in huge font across their chests. They had their numbers written on their arms and legs. They had their numbers on stickers on their helmets and bikes. Both kids felt so professional! Their was a short swim across a 25-yard pool (since my kids are swimmers, they wished that part was much longer). The swim was between 25-75 yards for them (longer for older groups). Then a bike ride for 1-4 miles depending on the age (again, 1-2 for my kids), followed by the run (both my kids did 1/2 mile). I know it's not huge distances, but it was a challenge for them and they were exhausted at the end but SO proud of their accomplishment. They both woke up this morning and wanted to wear their triathlon t-shirts and medals to school today... and did! All in all, it was a fantastic, completely positive energy, fun family event. Do it if you ever get the chance. Maybe next year, we'll even participate with them... maybe. :)

Taking the Brewery Route

So it's official. I've paid the $1000 non-refundable deposit and I'm apparently going to brewing school next year. The good news, well, actually, other than the tuition it's all good news. But the good news is that now we have to be on an intensive brewery research program. So some people might take the scenic route. But from here on out for us, it's the Brewery Route. We're headed to Monterey for four nights next week and our first stop will be Peter B's Brewpub. We'll see as much as we can and begin our adventure in beer. Not a bad field to research, you have to admit. I'll let you know how it goes. :)

Promotion... Again?

Do you ever look around at the world and see things that seem crazy and yet everyone seems to be going along with it? And you think... I can't be the only one seeing this. I can't be the only one that thinks that. Either everyone goes along with really absurd things sometimes or I really have a very different perspective than most people.

I teach at a middle school (7th and 8th grade). Every year, the 8th graders have a "promotion" ceremony. This is what it looks like. They take their final exams a week before the 7th graders. So let's say it's a 10 week term. 8th graders take their final exams on Thursday and Friday of week 9. So for all of week 10, they have no academic work. Their grades are turned in and it's up to the staff to keep them somehow busy. Why even come to school? Well they have the fear of God put into them by the administration about the forbidden "unexcused absence" (which just means the school wouldn't get paid... though the state stops counting ADA - average daily attendance - on April 15th, but I digress). So week 10 was a 4 day week due to Memorial Day on Monday. Tuesday, they have promotion practice. Well we have 4 teams promoting and they each need about an hour. So that leaves 5 hours for teachers to figure out something to do with them. On Wednesday, they go on a field trip. But many stay behind and it's 6 hours to figure out what to do with them. On Thursday, they promote. They buy expensive, fancy, often inappropriate-dress-code-violating dresses and shoes. They get their hair and makeup and nails done. Families take the day off work and desperately seek coveted and limited tickets. And all to see their kids move from the 8th grade to the 9th grade when it's nearly impossible not to move from the 8th grade to the 9th grade, no matter how hard you try. In addition to this, many 7th graders play in the band during all 4 promotions and so they miss their final exams on Thursday and have to find a way to make them up. Which usually means a teacher giving makeup exams on their prep the next day. Then 8th graders are signed out by their parents and don't return to school on Friday, because now it's apparently ok to have an unexcused absence.

Is it really worth it? Is this really what parents want? Everyone I talk to seems to think it's absurd. But they all say you can't do away with it because people would go crazy. And it's not just 8th grade promotion. No. There's preschool graduation and kindergarten promotion/graduation and 6th grade graduation and high school graduation. At some point doesn't the frequency of these events diminish their meaning? I'm not trying to be a total scrooge. Celebrating life's milestones is nice. But you can't NOT move from the 8th grade to the 9th grade. Trust me. Well it's really hard. And if people don't like these things, the only way to get rid of them is to act as a group. Because you can't just be the one parent that sits your kid out. Then they feel really bad that they've missed this artificially created special occasion. Hallmark creates holidays just to sell cards. I can't figure out who got the promotion/graduation snowball rolling. I just wonder if I'm the only one that thinks it's all a bit too much.

Mr. Mile the Inventor

More Mr. Mile. More Family Life (Sex Ed). So, the day after Mr. Mile makes his fish story description to describe the growth of a penis during an erection ("It grows by a MILE!" - arms stretched as wide as he can reach), questions come up, ( hee, hee... ok, so teaching middle school makes one think like a middle schooler) about nocturnal emissions (wet dreams). Questions also come up during menstruation talks about tampons and pads. I try to simplify, demystify, and generally take away all taboo-ness (?) from all topics related to reproduction and the human body. So I just compare tampons and pads to bandaids. You use a bandaid to keep blood from getting on your clothes. You use tampons or pads for the same reason. No big deal. So Mr. Mile jumps in at this point and says that "boys need the same invention." I ask him to clarify since I don't know why boys should need tampons or pads. And it's better if you let them explain, trust me. He says, "No, boys need bandaids for nocturnal emissions (thank you for using the correct terminology, Mr. Mile). You know? So there's not the gross mess to deal with in the morning." Well then. We'll see. So if you see this invention on the shelves one day and it's successful, you know who had the idea first.

Heckler

Ok, so it's not really a heckler, but still. Someone that I don't know commented on an earlier post that I wrote. Initially I felt annoyed because they didn't really seem to get that I was joking and that I was being ridiculous and that I knew I was being ridiculous and that I was just making fun of something to vent and make a silly social commentary. But then I stopped and realized that I was happy because I had a critic. Which means someone out there saw something I wrote, read the whole thing, and actually thought enough about it to reply. Who cares that they didn't get it (maybe I'm not very good at making a point) or that they really didn't agree at all with me, it's just cool that someone read something I wrote. It must feel both very scary and powerful to be a writer. I mean, there's always going to be someone who doesn't like what you say or the way you say it and when they tell you, it must hurt. But at the same time, to have people read your words and think about your thoughts... that's an exciting form of influence. So, anyway, I'm happy to have a heckler.

Mr. Mile

So part of my duties as a middle school science teacher is to teach "Family Life" (sex ed) to 7th graders. It's the most wonderful time of the year (Ooh, I'll write words to a song for that!). Truly. I love it. The kids are horrified by half of what they learn and I really believe it helps them decide they are not ready for sexual activity. And I believe it really is important. Most of these kids really don't have much accurate information about their bodies or about consequences of what they decide to do with their bodies. With the internet, kids have access to way too much adult content way too soon in life. Even if they aren't looking at it themselves, their friends and classmates are and they're all talking about it. You can't keep them away from it completely. So I hope it's clear, that even though I may joke about the funny things that happen during family life, I truly take it seriously and believe that what they are learning is vital.

SO, here's my best story so far this time through it. Some of the kids are terrified and embarrassed and won't ask a single question. But some are really brave and daring in their questions. Makes you wonder if they are just trying to get attention or if they're really as knowledgable as they sound. So one girl raises her hand and says, "Does the penis grow for a males' entire life?" Now I can't respond with all of the things that pop into my head. I have to say, "No. About the time a male is done growing as tall as he will, all growth stops, including the penis." She says, "But it grows during an erection." And I say, "Yes, but even that is not true for all males." What I don't say is "You're either a shower or a grower." I do say, "An erection can change the size of the penis a lot or a little. Everyone's different." So she looks a little surprised and says with a bit of astonishment, "How much does it grow with an erection?" And before I can say anything, the boy in the front row right in front of me bursts out with, "BY A MILE!", with his hands thrown out to the side as far as he can reach as if he's telling you about the biggest fish anyone's ever caught! Everyone instantly bursts out laughing, me included. This is why I love teaching Family Life.

To Brew or Not To Brew?

So I'm a middle school science teacher and am in my 11th year of teaching. I know I don't want to teach forever and will definitely need another career one day, but have never been able to figure out with certainty what that next career will be. Nothing calls to me with absolute passion. Three years ago in the middle of another layoff season, I looked into a nearby brewing program. I didn't apply, but should have because I did apply the next year and found out there was a two year waiting list (if that makes sense). So about ten days ago I received a letter saying I've been accepted into the program and had two weeks to decide if I will attend and give a $1000 nonrefundable deposit to hold my spot. Decision time.

The program costs $15,000 and will go from late January to mid-June. I would have to take a leave of absence from work and miss 4 months (basically half the school year). And then there is a three day test given once a year. It's 3 hours, 6 questions each day, all essay. The pass rate is not super high, but it is for people who go through this program. At the end, if I pass, I would still need to go back to work as a teacher for a couple years while I figure out how to affordably transfer into the brewing industry.

I know it sounds like a lot of expensive and loss in income, but there's a reason it's not quite that much really. My husband is wanting to switch into the food industry somehow and was going to have to quit his job and go to a culinary or wine or beer school eventually. It would cost as much if not more than this program and he wouldn't have a job to go back to as I would. Me going to this school would make it so that he didn't have to because the goal would be for me to teach him everything I learned and then have him take the test the next year. Then we'd both be certified brewers. He could move into brewing and eventually the goal would be to open our own brewery and he'd be able to do the food. When I lay it all out like that it actually sounds less scary. Writing this may be helping me make this decision.

So, to brew or not to brew? It's a risk. But we only get one shot at this, right? Ideally, it would have happened in four more years as both my kids would be finishing middle school (at my school) and moving on to high school where I envision they'll need a little less of me. But it's here now, and the guy that wrote and runs the program and wrote the books the program and test are based on is like a million years old and this chance won't be around forever. So, I decided to write this to get a little feedback to help me make the decision, but I think I made if for myself! I'm definitely doing it! Well, probably, you know, unless I don't. :)

Definition of Persistence

So we went camping a couple weeks ago. It was the first time our family of four has been camping in a long time. Like since before our separation. It was good. We just went somewhere nearby to test it out. You know: do we still know how to assemble our tent, can I still handle sleeping on the ground, will I be too cold, blah, blah, blah. We got a beautiful spot on the East side of Folsom lake with hardly anyone in the campground. So, good. Set up camp, had smores, went to bed late, slept under the stars... all good.

So in the middle of the night, through a sleepy fog, I hear my husband talking to someone. Now, if I haven't accurately portrayed him before, he's generally not the most relaxed and friendly guy. I mean, he can be, and when he is, he really is, but I think he would generally be described as a moody grump. But, I here him and he sounds like he's on an episode of Sesame Street or stoned. Neither of which were true. He's saying, "Oh stop it, no don't do that, you silly thing... Are we going to have to do this all night? Really? No, not that! Ok, seriously [then laughter]." I'm thinking: who's he talking to, wait, what do I care, he's happy! So then he stumbles back into the tent, in only his underwear mind you, sees that I'm awake, and says, "Raccoons". Ok. Cool. Raccoons in the campground. He says they were trying to get into the bear box (yes, we locked up all our food), but they couldn't and he's scared them away.

So, not two minutes later, we hear the unmistakable sound of a wooden cabinet door being jostled back and forth. Guess the raccoons haven't given up. At this point, our daughter awakes, so we both say, "Come on, want to see raccoons?" So the three of us get up and go check it out. Sure enough, two raccoons: one in the bushes and one on the cabinet. As we come out, they scamper away and we take the opportunity for a bathroom break after admiring how adorable they are. Back to the tent.

Quiet for two more minutes, then this time, the rattle, rattle, rattle of a wooden cabinet door, followed by the crinkle, crinkle, crinkle of a bag of food being ferociously grabbed. Seriously! Ok, so this time the three of us go out and now there is a raccoon literally wrapped around the corner of the cabinet like a starfish on a juicy clam. He was actually a rectangular shape. His arm was wedged deep down into the cabinet through a crack in the door and he was goin' for those what turned out to be graham crackers like it was the depression. Even after being poked (gently prodded) with a marshmallow stick over and over again, he wouldn't move. Ever see Aliens? It was like those face sucking egg laying aliens. That thing was not coming off. We used this opportunity to tell our daughter that THAT is what persistence is.

So anyway, we cut the ziptie on the cabinet, drag the food into the tent, (I know, bears, but there weren't suppose to be any and my husband was determined raccoons wouldn't tear through the tent), and try to go back to sleep. After hearing the raccoons stalk us for about ten minutes and having to drag my comatose son's legs up onto the cot to get them away from the edge of the tent and the ravenous and quite definitively persistent raccoons, we sleep.

And in the morning, what I took away from the whole thing was: my daughter got to see cool wildlife and my husband was able to remain cheery through what could have been deemed an annoying situation. It was a good night.

Checking In

So it's been a really long time since I blogged. So I thought I better check in. Life is ok. If I haven't already said it, my husband moved back in in October, but I thought it might be very temporary. Recently, I've started to feel that it might be long term. I don't know if I'll ever believe that it's forever, but it does feel like his moving out isn't imminent. He seems to be happier and lighter and friendlier and it's really nice. He's super busy trying to do 8 million projects at the same time and I just want to help him out to support him. This weekend he's doing a pig roast for the first time and right now we have 49 people signed up to come and not everyone has RSVP'd yet. He's so into this. He is making all the food and won't let anyone bring anything. He's got like... well, here's the menu:

MENU:

Snack Bar -

Popcorn, chips, pretzels and other salty snacks

Pre-Dinner Options (Noon to 4ish)

Hot Dogs to order

Sides:

Potato salad

Mac and cheese 

Macaroni salad

Cole slaw

Fruit salad 

Baked beans 

Corn bread 

White rice

Main Dish:

Roasted Pork 

BBQ sauce

How to eat it:

Southern style: pile of pork on top of a slice of white bread slathered with BBQ sauce and a side of beans & slaw

Hawaiian style:  2 scoops rice, 1 scoop macaroni salad, 1 pile pork

Picnic style: Anything you want, anyway you like it!

Dessert:

Bring your own dessert (or eat a second helping instead)

Drinks:

Sangria

Coors Light

Water

Soda

 

Again, he's doing it all. And not only is there the food. We poured two cement pillars in the backyard yesterday to hang lights across the yard. He built a new picnic table and we're still staining it. We have a second table started under construction in the garage right now that will have to be finished and stained. He built a fire-pit in the yard last weekend. Let's see, what else? OH, the morning of the pig roast is the annual garage sale so our garage is filled with things we're suppose to sell that day. Oh yeah, and we both work full time and he commutes 2 hours a day (round trip) to his job. Our kids are also on a swim team and have daily practice for 90 minutes (combined). I told him he has the project list of a retired person, not a person working full time. But, I'm just going along with it because he seems to be happy and the 4 of us are together and that's what I want.

Quotable

I want to be someone that other people quote. Right now I'm not even someone that other people "like". Seriously. What's a girl got to do to get someone on Facebook to "like" me? That's why facebook is bad. You hate it and it's annoying that people post their bowel movements and smoke breaks and what they're looking at out the window. But somehow, when those same people don't "like" anything you do, you get kind of hurt. How can I get mad at something that is so stupid? Maybe I just think it's stupid because it doesn't work for me the way it seems to work for everyone else. I really do have good thoughts that other people could use to get through their day. I just need a marketing expert.

When You Die A Little

Something happens when you die a little.

So it's been more than a year since my husband laid down on our pillows and said, "I'm having an affair." So I should be good. But you die a little. And maybe this is something I haven't talked about yet. He lays down. He says that. And that day, you mostly die. If you didn't have kids, you might die all the way. But you have kids. So you live.

There's a lot to say in between then and now (one year later). But the truth is... I live. Dying a little might be good for all of us. I think I am more alive now than I've ever been. I am alive. We live for the kids, because we have to. But what we find is that living for the kids is really about living for us. I'm alive. And it's not for them. It's for me. I have a lot left to tell. There's a story there. If you know me, you know there's a story. So when you die a little, you wake up the part of you that was sleeping. That part of me is awake now. Something happens when you die a little.

Back to Reality

It's so hard to come back from vacation. We just got back from a week in Mexico in a little village about an hour north of Puerto Vallarta called Rincon de Guayabitos. The water was warm, but not hot. The air was warm but not hot or humid. The sand was soft. The beer was cold. The limes were tangy. The tequilla was smooth. The music was festive and loud and happy. The food was flavorful and spicy. The market was colorful and bustling. Whales swam at the mouth of the bay while we stood on the beach and watched them slap their tails on the water and breach while hunting for fish (I think). And not once did I get homesick. In fact, my daughter cried on the plane home because she wanted to stay. When we got home, I'll admit that my own bed was more comfortable, but other than that, there was no great emotional connection. I realized that our house is just walls and things. In a sense, that's a good thing because now I know that no matter what life brings, I don't have to be in this house or this town. I can go where life takes us when it takes us there. I also now think our family has the taste for travel and I hope we keep it and travel as much of the world as often as we can afford while the 4 of us are still together as a family and our kids are young. Coming back to the real world is painful (especially when it's so unseasonably cold!), but I know now that we will have more stamps in our passports as soon as possible.

Decisions

What do you do when you don't know what to do? I mean, really don't know what to do. Someone told me that there are always 4 choices: Accept it, Leave it, Change it, Stay miserable. And I think that's absolutely true. But knowing which to do and how to do it is the hard part.

Fill Their Room

So we all get the invitations that we don't want. Not that we don't want them. Just that sometimes we don't feel like it. We don't feel like the shower, or awards night, or funeral, or wedding, or birthday party, or house warming or the Christmas party, or ... I know. It sounds insensitive. But how many times are you invited to something and then the night it rolls around, you just want to sit at home and do the laundry you haven't done in forever? Or sit and have a drink? Or sit and watch the game? Or sit? It happens to all of us. But what I try to tell myself in each of those circumstances is, "Fill their room".

It's not about you or me. It's about the person who sent the invitation. They want you there. Whatever it is is important to them. And nothing feels worse than an empty room. We've all imagined our funerals, or maybe we haven't. Maybe I'm just weird. But an empty room is not what any of us hope for, I think. Sometimes our role is no more than filling the space. Let the person you care about look out at their event and see their space filled with people that cared enough to show up. Even when you don't feel like it, fill their room.

Jerry Maguired

So, I just wrote my manifesto. You know, a philosophical statement like Jerry Maguire's. I've worked at the same site for 5 years after a total of 11 years in the business of education. I've tried to be patient and reflective and open to the ways that they do things at my school. But I'm frustrated. I've been frustrated. Things aren't working nearly as well as they could be and the administration refuses to look at it, accept it, allow staff to talk about it, be open to it, acknowledge it, etc. The solution for everything is "teach harder". It's never, "hey, maybe kids need a slower pace, maybe kids need more time to think, maybe kids need more time to get up and move", etc. I complain, I talk to coworkers... they all agree but no one says anything. I've been told to hold back and be careful and be more political. Why? I'm not running for office. I'm not concerned with winning the next election. Sadly, I'm not even concerned with losing my job. I'm a tenured teacher and that means no administrator will do the hard work of firing me unless it's really worth it. There's bad teachers all over the place, and unless they break laws, administrators don't want to go through the process of getting rid of them. Half the time, they move them out of teaching and into higher paying administration positions. So, what could happen? My boss already hates me. Everyone at our site agrees.

So, I did it. I came out of a staff meeting in which it took my boss 33 minutes to say 2 minutes (that's being generous) of new information to disseminate. I found out that I had 120 kids per day (mind you, that's with only 3 90-minute blocks per day, so I'm averaging 40 kids per class with no aides), while my coworker teaching the exact same subject has 99 kids per day. He also has the academically highest achieving kids while I have the lowest. And while there is nothing wrong with teaching lower kids than higher, anyone in teaching will acknowledge it takes far more time and effort and patience. So I did it. I sat down and wrote the two pages of frustrations and problems that I see and the ways that I know we can change to make our school better for kids. And I was holding back. It could have been 10 pages, or truly, 100. Everyone told me not to give it to the boss. But I didn't care. What's wrong with saying how you feel? I haven't refused any directives. I do my job every day, and to be honest, do it very well. I have glowing evaluations and only positive feedback from students and parents alike.

So I went to her. Her door was open and she has an "open door policy". She's said she "doesn't want yes men" and she wants "people who will speak directly an honestly" though all actions speak to the contrary. I sit down and tell her that I'm frustrated. I've been there 5 years and I know I've had adequate time to form a balanced opinion. I've also been at 3 previous sites in my earlier 6 years and they all had different schedules, so I've had a good comparison. I hand her my letter and basically tell her that I think we had a great opportunity to be responsive to the changing demographics of our student population and poll our highly skilled staff members to look at ways to change our programs to meet the needs of the new students walking through our doors every day. I told her that I was frustrated that I had 120 students daily, while an identical colleague had 99. She looked at me like I was from the moon. She refused to acknowledge that there was anything wrong with our school. When I said we were trying to do too many things which was keeping us from doing any of them well (teaming, looping, blocking, strats science, stranded math, etc.), she told me that these things were the "DNA of our schoo"l. She said these things were "cutting edge" in middle schools when she started the school (12 years ago). She suggested that I get a "change of perspective" and had I "considered teaching at the high school level".

So that's it. I've been Jerry Maguired. Now, luckily for me, it's public education. Absolutely nothing can happen to me. I can't be fired at will. She's got to deal with me for quite a while. I don't work on commission, though maybe teachers should, and she can't steal my customers. But at least I said what I feel. At least I can say I didn't just sit around and complain. I went to the powers that be. She can't say she didn't know people were unhappy. She can't say she thought everyone was on board. In the end, I know I was there for kids. She knows she was there for her herself. I also know I said what I meant and meant what I said, and from this point forward, there's no more holding back.

Enough with the Lights!

Have you ever noticed how many things in your house have lights? Try sleeping on the couch one night. I slept on the couch the other night to have a sleepover with my daughter. When the lights turned off, it was like being in a laser tag waiting room. I counted more than 15 lights between the living room and the kitchen. And many of these things were turned off! The tv was off, but the glowing VISIO sign was there to remind me, I guess, in the middle of the night of the brand of tv I bought. The computer on button glows, the receiver, the dvd player button, the xbox, and that was just in to living room. There was a bright blue light coming from the kitchen and I walked out to see if it was something that was essential for life. It was the label maker! Now I can see needing to find the tv button, possibly in the dark, but the label maker??? And when I pushed the glowing button to hopefully turn it off, labels just started ejecting. I had to lay a towel over it. Also in the kitchen, the computer, computer monitor, keyboard, power supply, speakers, dishwasher and fridge buttons all glow. I don't know if this bothers anyone else, but really, it would be nice to turn off the lights in the house and have it actually be dark. In the bedroom last night, I counted have bright visible lights when you turn off the room lights: the smoke alarm, computer monitor, vcr player (yes, we still have one), dvd player, wii, cell phone, cell phone power supply, alarm clock (well that's ok), and I think that's it. And these things just don't emit a small soft light. It's the new bright laser-like LED light. I know it's a minor first world problem (as my friend likes to point out continuously), but still, it's annoying. I would be impressed and more likely to buy a product if one of it's selling points was "No Annoying Unnecessary Lights".

Boosters and Bras

My daughter turned 8 about a month ago. When she did, we celebrated and ceremoniously got rid of her booster seat out of the minivan (as in California, the law required her to be in it until she was at least 8). Shortly after that, she received a training bra in a bag of hand me down clothes from a neighbor. I thought she would be embarrassed about it, but to my surprise, she fell in love with it and started wearing it every day. Since no one should have to wear any garment every day, I went out yesterday and bought her two more. I stood there in the store laughing, knowing that somehow this was one of those moments that mark the passage of time and the rapid move from baby to grown up and a moment that moved me that much closer to losing my little girl. But somehow, standing there in the store, I was ok with it. I was almost excited and started looking at all the different colors and styles she could have. I calmed down and just got two white ones so that she could come back and pick more exciting ones if she wanted to. But when I walked out of the store and out to the car in the parking lot and opened her door and threw the bras into the seat where the booster had just been, it hit me. From boosters to bras... just... like... that.