SAY IT: I'm Not Dying, Well Not Any Faster Than You, Promise.

Tonight I found out that someone I know is dying faster than she should. I can't say anything to anyone because, at this point, it's still confidential information. But I'm devastated and don't even want to say "I" in that sentence. It has nothing to do with me but it's the way I feel thinking about her. She's talented and smart and caring and generous and selfless and influential and important. She can not go. She can not disappear from her sphere of influence. And yet, it seems she will. She is important to my children, but I can't tell them yet. She is important in her work community, but they can't talk about it yet. She will be missed, but she's still here. My friends, who are much closer to her than I am, are falling apart, and I can't do anything to make it better. This can't be happening. But it is and it will.

That's it. Our entire lives, wise people tell us to make the most of each day, live like we're dying, love like we have nothing to lose, don't waste any time, and on and on. I've decided, I will. I will start with this person. This person who deserves the gratitude of so many. When it becomes public that she is not going to live a full life, I will sit down and tell her how much she means to me and my family. I will ask my family to do the same and we will say it to her. But after that, I will say it to each person in my life that I think has made my life better in any way. I've decided to SAY IT now and not wait until I feel the desperation of saying it in a hurry. I hope this goes well. She should not die in vain. She makes a difference.

I promise I'm not dying, not any faster than you. But I want to talk to you like I am. So that's what I'm going to try to do when I SAY IT.

Just a Gentle Reminder

Ok. This is my new latest annoyance. This heading in a subject line on a work email: "Gentle Reminder". Seriously? Anytime anyone has to tell you HOW they are doing something means that they are not doing it that way. If you have to tell me you are "gently" reminding me of anything, it stops being gentle. The receiver gets to interpret how something is done. The person doing it doesn't get to tell you how they are doing it and have it be so.

And it's become a trend. One administrator saw another administrator do it, and they thought, "Hey, that's a good idea. People will like me more if they think I'm only gently reminding them of something instead of telling them there is something they need to do because it's their job.". No. I want to be told: Do this because it's your job. That, I can respect. Many things are our job that we don't want to do. And it takes a real boss to stand up and say it sometimes. I'm sick of getting "disciplined" for things I don't do wrong because my boss won't sit down with the one person that continuously messes up and tell that person to stop messing up. So in an indirect, inoffensive, impersonal, disconnected, non-accusatory way, bosses tell us all to stop doing things we're not doing instead of telling someone who really is doing something wrong directly to stop doing it! Did you get that? What I'm learning is that I can screw up as often as I would like to, because no one will be able to tell me directly and independently to stop. They will just change the rules for everyone in the hopes that I may be encouraged to change my behavior.

The person that tells you they:

• "have no ego", thinks they are God's gift to the world. 
• "don't take things personally" will be the most sensitive person you ever met. 
• "can take a joke", can't. 
• "are spontaneous", thinks about everything. 
•  "just want to be happy" will make your life miserable.
• "are open to anything", will judge you.
• "are gently reminding you of something", mean you need to do this right now.

Say what you actually mean and stop trying to tell me how to take what you say. I get to decide that.

The Barbarian and The Classy Lady

Recently, I was super stressed and packing for an early morning flight. It was getting late and there were things to do for the kids and the house and I still hadn't packed. A million things going on: dinner, kids, homework, work stuff, you get the idea. I'm in the bathroom and my seven year old daughter walks in and sees me putting toe nail polish on. She says, "Mom, really?" (with total disbelief and disgust, by the way). "With all you have to do tonight and with how stressed out you are, is that really what you should be doing?" I say, "I'm getting on a plane tomorrow and my nail polish is chipped. I'm just covering up the white spots." She says, "Puhlease, look at my nails mom. Seriously. I go to school every day with chips everywhere and nobody notices." I say, "Yeah, but you're a barbarian and I'm a classy lady." To which she says, "Your shorts are on inside out."

They were.

Midget Boobies

Since living alone and being a single parent for the most part, I've started to let a few things slip. We've always been pretty strict about what our children could or couldn't see. For example, we don't have cable tv and never have in the lives of either of our children. We haven't liked them seeing the commercials or 90% of what's on television as it seems inappropriate for young children. We've limited screen time and kept them away from what we thought was violent or rude. But as I said, I've gotten a little lazy in my need to, well, just not try so hard all the time I guess.

So recently, the kids have seen The Big Bang Theory more often than they should, which really should be not at all. One night after watching, my son comes into the kitchen and says, "Mom, if Howard has sex so much, how come he doesn't have a lot of babies?" Good question. After all, my kids know on a very biological level what makes babies. So I decided I could take one of two roads, the biological or the social, and opted for both.

I explained how a woman's egg is not present all the time. It's only released into the "open" for about 3 days per month. And it's only around that time that it will be available for a sperm to meet it and for her to get pregnant. Of course, I emphasized the, "but you NEVER KNOW when that time is" message, but he got the idea. I then went on to say there were things people could do to prevent pregnancy during sex in other ways like taking a pill that tricks a woman's body into thinking the egg has already been released so that it won't actually release one. He seemed satisfied.

So then my daughter comes into the kitchen and says, "Mom, I heard there is a penis cover that you can use to not get pregnant." First thing I did was ask her where she heard it. Of course, she couldn't remember. Then she drew a picture that looked like a finger and said that was the penis, then draw a line just around it and said that was the penis cover and that she thought it would be a little bit bigger than the penis. I said, basically yes. It was called a condom and it could prevent sperm from getting to the egg as well. She said, "So you would use that just so that you could have sex? EWW, weird." Ok, perfect, mission accomplished.

Fast forward one day. I'm giving my daughter a bath and she says, "Mommy, when were my three days?" To which I said, "Huh?" And she said, "You know, when was my egg ready?" Ok, wasn't ready for that one. I said it was Valentine's Day. To which she responded, "Well I was a good present!" Can't argue with that. Then she jumped topics and asked how big my bra size was. I told her. She said, "Is that big?" I said yes it was. She asked if it was the biggest. I said no it wasn't. She said, "Well I saw the biggest in the Guinness Book of World Records and they were like this!" at which point she held her arms in a giant invisible bear hug a foot away from her chest. She asked if you could make boobies bigger. And I said yes you can, but you have to go through surgery. She said she'd never do that. If anything, she'd make her boobies smaller to be just like her aunt's, because she had perfect little midget boobies! When I burst out laughing and she realized she'd said something funny, she went on to say, "Yeah, they're just like daddies!" And then I ran out and called my sister, because that what we're here for. :)