Midget Boobies

Since living alone and being a single parent for the most part, I've started to let a few things slip. We've always been pretty strict about what our children could or couldn't see. For example, we don't have cable tv and never have in the lives of either of our children. We haven't liked them seeing the commercials or 90% of what's on television as it seems inappropriate for young children. We've limited screen time and kept them away from what we thought was violent or rude. But as I said, I've gotten a little lazy in my need to, well, just not try so hard all the time I guess.

So recently, the kids have seen The Big Bang Theory more often than they should, which really should be not at all. One night after watching, my son comes into the kitchen and says, "Mom, if Howard has sex so much, how come he doesn't have a lot of babies?" Good question. After all, my kids know on a very biological level what makes babies. So I decided I could take one of two roads, the biological or the social, and opted for both.

I explained how a woman's egg is not present all the time. It's only released into the "open" for about 3 days per month. And it's only around that time that it will be available for a sperm to meet it and for her to get pregnant. Of course, I emphasized the, "but you NEVER KNOW when that time is" message, but he got the idea. I then went on to say there were things people could do to prevent pregnancy during sex in other ways like taking a pill that tricks a woman's body into thinking the egg has already been released so that it won't actually release one. He seemed satisfied.

So then my daughter comes into the kitchen and says, "Mom, I heard there is a penis cover that you can use to not get pregnant." First thing I did was ask her where she heard it. Of course, she couldn't remember. Then she drew a picture that looked like a finger and said that was the penis, then draw a line just around it and said that was the penis cover and that she thought it would be a little bit bigger than the penis. I said, basically yes. It was called a condom and it could prevent sperm from getting to the egg as well. She said, "So you would use that just so that you could have sex? EWW, weird." Ok, perfect, mission accomplished.

Fast forward one day. I'm giving my daughter a bath and she says, "Mommy, when were my three days?" To which I said, "Huh?" And she said, "You know, when was my egg ready?" Ok, wasn't ready for that one. I said it was Valentine's Day. To which she responded, "Well I was a good present!" Can't argue with that. Then she jumped topics and asked how big my bra size was. I told her. She said, "Is that big?" I said yes it was. She asked if it was the biggest. I said no it wasn't. She said, "Well I saw the biggest in the Guinness Book of World Records and they were like this!" at which point she held her arms in a giant invisible bear hug a foot away from her chest. She asked if you could make boobies bigger. And I said yes you can, but you have to go through surgery. She said she'd never do that. If anything, she'd make her boobies smaller to be just like her aunt's, because she had perfect little midget boobies! When I burst out laughing and she realized she'd said something funny, she went on to say, "Yeah, they're just like daddies!" And then I ran out and called my sister, because that what we're here for. :)