Maybe I Like That I'm Not Alright

"Maybe I like that I'm not alright." I saw a friend post that today on Facebook. I would have thought she said it herself if it weren't for the reference to the group Shinedown. Tells you how current I am. I've been up and down lately, and unfortunately, the last couple days have been really difficult. But  strangely her quote made me feel a lot better. I'm not alright. But somehow saying that seems to make people panic. People that know what I'm going through ask how I'm doing all the time. A part of me feels compelled to tell them that I'm ok so that they'll feel better. But it's not the truth. I'm not alright. But I know I will be someday. I think what makes this suffering feel worse is when I try to act normal and act like I'm ok and like I feel good. It feels better to say out loud, "I'm not alright." And it's not that I like being unhappy or hurting, but I like being able to admit the truth. I also think there would be something wrong with me if I was alright given the circumstances. I believe I'll have a new kind of strength after making it through this time in life. Maybe we all need to embrace the times when we are "not alright" a little more. I don't want to linger here longer than needed, but I do intend to pay attention to the lessons I'm learning and the things I'm feeling while I'm here. I know I'll come out the other side stronger, more willing to change and relinquish control, more resilient, more focused on what matters most, less petty, more grateful and definitely know myself better. For that, "maybe I like that I'm not alright". Thank you, my friend, for getting me thinking today in a way I hadn't yet.