You Know You're a Stalker When...

Ok. First of all, the word "stalker" has such negative connotations. And up 'till now, I would have been one to suggest that stalking was absolutely not ok. But now I may be slightly on the other side of the fence. I wouldn't say I was for it, but I would say I was sympathetic. Let's just say I've found myself in a category that may be able to sympathize with the everyday, run-of-the-mill, not pathologic stalker. So, here it goes, YOU KNOW YOU'RE A STALKER WHEN...

1. You google the name of a boyfriend from more than 20 years ago.
2. You consider paying money for the "finder fee" to gather more information on the boyfriend from 20 years ago when you find him on a google search.
3. You're really pissed when, even though you're philosophically opposed to the whole idea of facebook, you're ex is apparently too good for the rest of the world to even consider having a facebook account. Shit, now I can't even check in on him. 
4. You're friends with your ex-boyfriend's (like 20 years ago from high school) mom, I mean it was a small town, so why not try to send her a Christmas card and maybe she'll start sending one back and maybe she'll tell him how fantastic you are. Seems reasonable.
5. You have the number for said ex-boyfriend, who by the way, has never, not once, contacted you in the 20 years since high school, so you're really not life-long friends, and you call it on New Year's Eve and leave a long message about how lame it is that he's never even made an attempt to keep in touch and what a snob he is, only to find out later that he was in fact possibly proposing to his future fiance that same night. Nice, classy!
6. You randomly head to your ex from high school's town with your own children and happen to arrange a couple of visits to his new businesses in said town. You may even make your children do any necessary inquiries about the whereabouts of said ex-boyfriend so as not to draw attention to yourself.
7. When paying a visit to the business of ex-boyfriend in the town that you're randomly visiting, you pay cash for your hot chocolate so that your name won't show up on some random credit card receipt that someone somewhere might look at... in the investigation?
8. You have to tell yourself to stop thinking about the ex-boyfriend and to promise not to do anything stupid like contacting his mother or sister to get his number.
9. You through out the number of the ex-boyfriend to prevent yourself from further humiliation only to regret not having the number later when you would like to further humiliate yourself.
10. You find yourself defending other stalkers because really, it's not their faults.